Transformation Tuesday: Seven Months Later

Like a lot of women out there, I’ve been battling my weight for a long time. It started with pregnancy weight, and then there came stress weight (the life of a military wife), and then the weight just kept piling on.

I remember the first time I had to try on a pair of jeans with a double digit size. I practically cried in the dressing room. And then the sizes just kept getting bigger. I started tracking my BMI (body mass index) and had another break down when my BMI said I was no longer just overweight, but I was obese.

OBESE. I am 5’3” and weighed 185lbs.

Before: Feb 2012

I told my husband, who just stared at me. I don’t think the poor guy knew what to say. I held myself together long enough to beat a hasty retreat to my bedroom, where I had one heck of a freak out.

I felt like I had tried everything, and nothing worked. I had completed P90X and only lost 10lbs for pete’s sake! What more could I do? Every time I lost ANY weight, I gained it all back (usually with a few more for good luck, it seemed).

I was trying to exercise at least 3 times a week. I cut my portion sizes. I didn’t snack after supper. I thought I was doing it right. Later I found out, I was only doing it half-right.

Little did I realize the struggle my husband was having with his own weight. In the Marine Corps he was always pushing his weight limit, and like just about every other guy that gets out of the military, he let himself go a bit. He tried working out with me before, but always quit on me within a couple weeks.

Of course, without support, I quit too. I quit Insanity--twice.

Then one day in December, The Hubbs surprised me. He surprised me with Focus T25. We were gonna do it. We were going to get in shape, once and for all. We were going all in. We did the 7 Day Quick Start with the meal plan. Boy, did it make a difference!

I only lost 3lbs, but The Hubbs lost about 5. The benefit wasn’t in a jumpstart in our weight loss, it was getting our bodies used to eating differently and learning the moves in the videos.

We saw a new part of each other during T25. Some of it was great. Some of it wasn’t so pretty. I guess I get pretty intense when I sweat. But it was worth it. It was SO worth it.

We learned to eat clean (cleanER, anyway). We got into the habit of exercising 6-7 days a week. We finished the WHOLE program (a feat in itself). And, (drumroll please ...) I lost 20lbs and The Hubbs lost 25lbs. What-what?!

But the best part was, it didn’t stop there. We took what we started with T25 and let the ball keep rolling. I went on to Insanity and finally finished it! The Hubbs went to the gym to bulk up. I lost another 15lbs and he gained back almost everything he lost (at least it was all muscle this time--hubba hubba!).

I’m doing Brazil Butt Lift right now. I’ve only lost a couple pounds with this program, but, man, there has been a transformation in my body. And even more than that, there has been a transformation in ME. I’ve learned so much in the last 7mos. It’s not just how MUCH you put in your body. It’s WHAT you put in your body. Exercise isn’t just going through the motions. It’s about giving all you’ve got and then some. And most importantly--results don’t come easy. There is no quick fix. Especially not a permanent fix.

I’ve lost close to 40lbs, but I’m not done. There is still work to do. There are still things I WANT to do! I’d still like to lose another 10lbs. I want to become a runner. I want to do a Tough Mudder event. And I want to help others FEEL the way that I feel right now. I want to help YOU feel the way I feel right now.

Much Love,

You can join me on Facebook or Twitter.

Jesse's Girl vs the Scale & the Tape & the Grocery Store

So, I've been absent for awhile. Not gonna lie, I'm going through some things. Number one being it's still winter. (I'm so ready for July, it's not even funny.) Number two is this diet lifestyle change that The Hubbs and I have been doing.

And that's where the story starts ...

Obviously it didn't happen overnight, but my Oh Damn moment happened in early December. I stepped on the scale and it read 185 pounds. (Then the thing mocked me by asking if I wanted to save my weight to a profile. Yeah, right.) One Hundred Eighty-Five Pounds. The only time I have ever weighed that much was when I was 8-9 months pregnant with my third child. (At least then I got a cute little baby out of it.)

I was the heaviest I have ever been. (And on the frame of a 5'3" Asian woman? Not the prettiest picture.) I was so overweight, I fit the parameters for taking Lipozene--that was a depressing thought. I almost seriously considered quitting eating all together, but, let's face it, I like food too much.

On a whim (which he has many of), The Hubbs ordered Shaun T's Focus T25 (Late at night, while watching the infomercial--but that's another story.) without telling me. Apparently The Hubbs had an Oh Damn moment of his own and thought this would be good for both of us. (Isn't there a thing about husbands buying exercise related things for their wives???)

We did the Quick Start program. We bought supplements. We cut our calories. We got super cute workout clothes. We cleaned up our eating. The Hubbs started taking Sports Nutrition classes. We're lucky we haven't floated away with all the water we drink. We are the annoying couple that doesn't go out to eat, because figuring out what won't ruin our eating plan is a pain in the ass.

It's now been a little over two months. I've lost almost 25 pounds. That's amazing. That's a significant amount of weight loss. That is a major accomplishment. Until a couple days ago, when I realized (again) that I had an extra 25 pounds to lose. And, I have about 30 more to go. That's depressing.

I've reached an impasse in my mental turmoil. On the one hand, I'm really proud of myself for putting in all the hard work (and reading all those food labels is HARD WORK) and getting results. But then on the other hand, I'm really disappointed in myself for letting things get so far out of hand. I've done P90X. I've done Insanity. How did this happen?!

So that's where we are today. I've dropped two pant sizes. I've gotten rid of my old jeans. I still struggle with what to make at almost every meal. And I have one cheat item every day. Usually it's chocolate. I've been sick. The kids have been sick. The Hubbs is just getting over being sick. We made it through the holidays without gaining, luckily. And it took until well into the New Year for me to finally come to terms with the idea that I cannot compare my husband's weight loss with my own. Also, I gave in to the scale and I record my weight loss (and inches lost) every week.

That next 30 pounds? I hope to have it gone by the time I finish Insanity. Wish me luck!

Also,

Much Love,

World Suicide Prevention Day

Quite a few years ago, someone I knew committed suicide. It wasn't somebody that I knew very well, but this stuck with me nonetheless. Why? I was one of the last people to talk with this young man before he took his own life.

Within hours of our conversation, he hanged himself.

To this day, I wonder if I could've done more for him. I wonder what was in his mind and his heart as we were talking. Was he reaching out to me, and I missed it? Was there something I could've said that would've made him change his mind?

He was a quiet kid. Not really much of a talker-a little awkward sometimes. I was always nice to him--I hope he realized I never thought or spoke ill of him. He laughed, he smiled, he had people he hung out with.

So what in his life made him take his fate into his own hands?

I don't know. I'll never know. The memory of our last encounter haunts me, and always will. 

I learned a very important lesson from him, though. Because of him, I try to be a little more friendly to the people I meet. I put myself out there more when I pass people each day.

Because you never really know what someone may be dealing with behind closed doors. Your smile, your interest, your genuine concern could more than brighten their day. You could help bring them back into the light.

But also, if you think someone you know and love may be considering hurting themselves, don't try to help them on your own (unless you're licensed to). Please make sure they know you care, but help them seek out professional help.

Here are just a few resources:

• International Association for Suicide Prevention
• Helpguide.org
• National Center for PTSD

Much Love and Big Hugs,

Back to School

Back to school season is here, and for the first time all our girls will be going. It's a major deal around here, it means there are no more babies in the house. It's amazing how much the kids grew over the summer! Something else happened this summer, the girls reached the age when they've really started fighting.

Since the arguing started, I've been counting down to the start of school (so, since about the second week in June). Of course, I adore my children, but I'm finally understanding how my mother felt when she threatened to ship my brothers and me to our grandmother in Laos. (So not cool, even if I do feel her pain.)

Who are these mothers getting teary-eyed every fall? If I could, I'd have a party. I am the parent in the Staples commercial happily riding a shopping cart through the aisles, singing about the most wonderful time of the year. (It doesn't hurt that I have a "thing" for office supplies--who am I kidding? It's an addiction.)

I've been a stay-at-home mom for ten years. That's a decade of little ones drooling, pooping, spilling, crying, and crawling all over me all day, every day. Should I be judged for wanting a little peace and quiet? Should I be looked down upon for being excited about about having some alone time? (And maybe a little quality time with The Hubbs?)

I say judge me all you want. Everyone's situation is different. It doesn't mean I love my kids any less if I'm not sniffling at the bus stop. Besides, I'm going to be too busy enjoying my clean house and peeing alone to care.

Much Love,

I Want to Be Beautiful

I found an article on CNN that really resonated with me. I'm talking my heart started racing, and tears came to my eyes. It had nothing to do with genocide, endangered animals, or the destruction of natural resources. It wasn't even a military surprise homecoming. So then what was this emotion about?

Plastic surgery. (Find the article here.)

Yes, that's right. I almost started weeping over elective cosmetic reconstruction. More specifically, the article was about Asian people (women and men) undergoing surgery to look more Western. As an adult, I understand that people come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. I know that each one of us is beautiful in our own way. As a child, not so much.

Me-circa 3yrs old. Long before I knew how uncool,
then cool, looking Asian was.

I wanted to so badly to fit in with the other kids in school. I hated being different. I was a different color. My hair was different. My eyes. My nose. My face is flat. And I have a horribly dark mustache. No one in our tiny town looked like me. Add in the fact that math was a breeze, and I loved books. I was a magnet for bullies. The boys were not nice. (More about that here.)

I would see people on tv, in movies and magazines, and wish on every first star that I would wake up the next morning looking like them. Alas, it never happened.

When I hit fourth grade, I needed glasses. My nose has no bridge. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find glasses that fit a wide/round head with no bridge? It's ridiculous. Getting my glasses fitted usually takes about an hour. In addition to wanting to look similar, now I wanted a nose job just to make my glasses fit. I asked my mom for as much twice when I was younger. The first time she blew me off, the second time she told me we couldn't afford it. It's pretty hard to pay for rhinoplasty when you're forced to wear welfare glasses.

It was a teen tragedy back in the day, but I'm a lot better with my Asian-ness now. My husband is the biggest reason. My Asian features are some of what he loves most about me. My heart soars every time he boasts how happy he is that the girls have my bridge-less nose. Not gonna lie, my children are gorgeous. I make sure to tell them every chance I get. I don't want them wishing they were different from how they were born. It's a rough way to grow up.

So to the ignorant commenters on CNN's article, although the doctor used some superficial reasons that Asians want to look White, it was a little bit deeper for some of us.

I Love Y'all Just the Way You Are,