A Minute on My Parenting Soapbox

Lately, I've been posting on social media a lot about parenting and a return to good, old-fashioned values. While usually, I try not to make too big a splash on social media, this is something I felt I need to speak out on.

As y'all know, we moved to Tennessee almost 2 years ago. Being from Iowa, we get asked ALL THE TIME what led us to this tiny part of East TN. And while at first I would cringe when I answered, I realize now that a lot of people feel the way that I do. (Or close to it. 😉 ) Honestly, a lot of the kids that I was running across were jerks. I was at an event once, and a young girl (about 8 or 9) rolled her eyes at me when I told her it was respectful to call women Ms. X or Mrs. X.  If THAT doesn't just prove my point! Ooh, I wanted to just smack that smirk off her face. It was then that I realized I did not want my kids growing up with friends like these.

When did it become okay for kids to roll their eyes at us? When did we stop holding them accountable for their actions? When did we stop disciplining? When did we stop raising/teaching our kids?

It also happened that at this time it was the coldest winter EVER in my history. Among other things. So the timing was right to hitch up the wagons and head to the South. Where the weather is warmer, and a lot of parenting is still old school.

Now don't get me wrong. While I consider myself pretty old school, I am not what I'd call "hardcore." The kids have chores, they get disciplined (yes, I have spanked), they have a routine and boundaries. But that is not ALL they have.

They also have a mother that is able to stay at home, so sometimes we bake cookies and eat them for breakfast. They have parents that want them to have more than we did as kids, so we buy things for them. They have parents that were latchkey kids, whose parents (their grandparents) were too busy working to do things & go places, so we take field trips together and make sure we get quality time as a family.

So what is my point? BALANCE.

It's all about balance, y'all. It's okay to give our kids things, and let them do things, but have your boundaries. Don't let them walk all over you. Does your daughter want to have a tea party? Rock on, but use it as a time to teach her about etiquette. Is there a party your preteen wants to go to this weekend? Make sure they clean their room (to mom's standards) before they can go. So your teen has a date Saturday? Maybe they should babysit their siblings Friday night. ('Cause parents need a date night, too!)

And please, please, PLEASE, teach them basic manners. Make sure they see you holding doors for others and teach them to do the same (Small Child loves to do this!). Teach them to respect their elders. Please and thank you will still take you pretty far. And for the love of Fonzi teach them to chew with their mouths closed!

They might not always agree with us, but our girls want for nothing. (They actually have a pony!) All we ask for in return is respect and that they do what is asked of them. Which they do (usually). So, I suppose I'll step down from this soap box now ...

Much Love,

30 Days of Thanks: Day Ten

30 Days of Thanks

Day Ten: A Time of Day

Picture this, only at night--this mom's favorite time of day!

There is a time, when the house is finally quiet. When the kids are in bed, the dogs are down for the night, Jesse is usually passed out on the couch, and it’s just my computer and me. (Kind of like right now.) That is the time of day that I am most thankful for. When the day has wound down. When I know that everyone in the house is content, and I can finally (sort of) clock out of the Mommy mode. I love the husband, the kids, the animals, and everyone else that comes along during the day. But, every mom/wife out there knows that we need that alone time to decompress, and I am so thankful for my time.

Much Love,

L Schueder

This month's blog posts inspired by: Designer Wife: 30 Days of Thanks

The Parent Rap

Anyone that is my friend on Facebook has seen this video already. Well, I'm officially obsessed. For those of us with little ones, who we absolutely adore, sometimes we miss the days when we were a little bit cooler. My husband loves it, so it's got to be good, right?

Check it out here:

The Parent Rap

When Do You Stop Having Babies?

Lately, a lot of my friends have been having babies. It’s a fairly common occurrence, especially in the military community.  But with all these little ones popping out, I’ve started asking myself, “Are Jesse and I done having kids? And, how do you REALLY know when you’re done?”

Honestly, the biggest reason that I decided to stop having kids was very selfish. My kids had just started to sleep through the night. I was waking up in the morning actually feeling rested. I had gone more than four years without a decent night of sleep. If I have another baby, it’ll probably be another two years before I get my nights back again. It sounds awful when you say that out loud, but it’s how I feel. I can’t apologize for that.

Another reason that I’m ready to step off of the baby train? In a word, Diapers. Again, having two girls about two years apart is a large part of this decision, but I also provided childcare in my home for the last couple years. All my charges were under eighteen months old. That’s A LOT of smelly diapers to change in one day! When I start thinking that I might want another little bundle in our home, I remember the days when either one of my children or charges would have a bellyache and I shudder at the memory. I prefer not to be elbow deep in poo, and my dogs already provide me with plenty to clean up. Ew.

I hate to sound like all I’m doing is complaining and being selfish, but I’m an adult, I think I’m entitled to that. I’ve been a mother for over ten years, and a stay at home mom for the last eight. I’ve devoted my entire last years to my children, husband, pets, and home. Other stay at home moms will (secretly) agree that there are times when you start to lose your sense of self. You start to forget that you’re not just a mom and a wife, but also a woman. You have hopes and dreams and aspirations. Some of us have college degrees that we feel guilty for not putting to use. Some of us haven’t even been to college, but wish that we could.

My youngest are approaching school age. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t looking forward to it. I have no plans to go out and find a job. I plan to stay at home still. Maybe take some online classes? But most importantly, I look forward to having time for myself. I look forward to having uninterrupted time to  sit and write. Blog. Tweet. Whatever. I am lucky enough to be blessed with a husband that still thinks that a woman’s place is in the home. Whether there are still ankle biters running around or not.

Now, not ALL of my reasons for not continuing to reproduce are hoggish. I know, it really seems like it though, doesn’t it? Well, they’re not! When I was pregnant with our youngest one, we learned that my body was producing an antibody that, if counts got too high, was harmful (and potentially deadly) to the baby. My body had apparently produced this with every pregnancy, and started producing higher amounts with each subsequent child. I endured weekly ultrasounds, and biweekly blood tests. At one of our checkups, the specialist told us that we would be tempting fate if we had another child after Abby. Now, how can you knowingly get pregnant when you have been given THAT warning?

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore babies. Really, I love all things itty-bitty. Jesse and I decided, together, that I would have an IUD inserted to give us time to decide whether we are actually done or not. It’s a question we’ve been tossing back and forth for three years now. I still feel a tug in my uterus every time I see a baby, or hear that another one of my girlfriends has given birth. My internal clock is slowly ticking. I’m fully aware that I’m not getting any younger, and soon mother nature will decide for me that I’m done making little ones.

But, I have three gorgeous daughters. They are happy, healthy and the center of my world. They each have their own dynamic personality. Soon all of them will be in school, and it will be my turn to discover my own person, again. I look forward to coffee in the morning with my dogs. Chaperoning field trips. Cleaning the house, and having it remain that way for more than twenty minutes. Helping out at class parties. Typing away on my laptop, without someone asking for a cup of juice. And when my husband decides to fully retire, spending time alone with him during the day. That is how I knew I was done having kids.