Empty Bed Syndrome

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night. I wake up when I roll over, and I don't hit anything. I expect to smash into my husband, but he isn't there. It's a sudden reminder that he still isn't home yet. Where is he? He's overseas, in a hostile environment, fighting for me to have the right to continue to fill the world wide web with my babbling. Yes, my husband is deployed. Yes, I knew that he would leave home for weeks, and months, at a time when I told him that he could sign next to the "X." Yes, I worry every day for his safety. And yes, I couldn't be more proud to tell the world that my husband is a Marine.

He's been gone a few months now, and I'd like to think that I'm doing pretty well on my own. The kids are fed, bathed, and in (relatively) clean clothes. Our dogs are fat and healthy. The bills are getting paid. And Momma has been able to add some cute touches to the house and garden. I've been able to volunteer with the unit Family Readiness Officer, and even decided to start a blog (ta-da!).

But that doesn't mean that our days aren't without hiccups. The kids and animals test their boundaries constantly, because they know that Mommy's attention is pulled in about 15 directions at once-instead of only 5 or 6. It's taught me to find my inner strength, so that I can keep all the little ones in order. I've learned not to let my weakness show when the drama queens are screaming, the dogs are barking, and the phone is ringing. I put the kids in time out, the dogs in the kennel, and let the phone go to voice mail.

I save the emotions for late at night, when the girls are all in bed and my favorite movie is playing. When, after a long day of changing diapers, I realize that at 1800 no one walked in the front door. No one took Daisy out to play, and there are no new cigarette butts in the ashtray on the patio. I spend time on the computer trying to distract my brain, playing games until my lids won't stay open. Then I finally turn out my light and fall asleep. That is, until the middle of the night when I roll over and wake up when I don't hit anyone, or smash into my husband's back.